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Episode #025

How To Overcome Nice Guy Syndrome & Be a Virtuous Bad-ass

Is it wrong to be too nice? Is such a thing possible? At what point does being nice stop being a help and start being a hindrance to living a life of freedom on your terms?

We often don't consider being "nice" to be a negative trait to possess. After all, if everyone were much nicer, the world would be a better place right?

Not necessarily.

As it turns out, excessive niceness has a shadow side.

And in this episode of the ikario podcast, Dean and Shane discuss what it's like to have "nice guy" syndrome, the disadvantages of it and most importantly - how to overcome it.

In this episode...

Some of the points covered in today's conversation:

  • What it means to be a "nice guy" and why it can mess up your life.
  • The manipulative dark side of being a "nice guy."
  • How to use introspective writing to heal.
  • The importance of boundaries (& how to set them).
  • A simple affirmation that might change your life.
  • How to use the "nice guy" life script and turn it on it's head.

Links & Resources

Recommended reading:

Over to You

We hope you found this episode useful! What brought you the most value? Do you have questions or feedback? Let us know by leaving a comment below!

You can follow the ikario Podcast on YouTube and also subscribe to our clips channel.


Oliver Cowlishaw

About the author

Ollie is an avid pizza connoisseur, accomplished drinker of coffee and lover of soul music. Heavily influenced by Zen & eastern mysticism, his curiosity regarding the human experience is insatiable. Despite having a strong vocabulary, he swears a lot and uses slang phrases ("ollie-isms") that almost nobody understands, not even himself.

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  • Gregor Sklarsky says:

    Thanks for this episode. It was great as always. I really can relate to you, Shane. I have the same tendency to want to be invisible , not asking for help or cause any “inconveniences” to others, even through normal human interactions. I realized that it would better to resolve this behavior. Since then I’ve noticed two things: 1st) There are two variations of this. One, where I want to be invisible, for whatever the reasons this may be. And the other is, where I want to be visible but somehow I couldn’t occupy any space. And 2nd) That it is, aside from psychological factors, closely related to my body well being. If I’m in couch potato mode (eat junk, don’t work out, drink coffee, and avoid fresh air) then I not even feel the need to be visible.
    After watching this episode I’m sold on the introspective writing and starting it today.

    Cheers, Gregor

    P.s thanks for mentioning the youtube comment problem. I was curious why my last comment wasn’t showing up there. I would appreciate it, if you read some the lost ones in an upcoming video.

    • Shane Melaugh says:

      Thank you for confirming the YouTube comment issue.

      I’m glad you found this episode helpful. It’s the first time I’ve shared this wanting to be invisible thing publicly. It’s interesting to see your experience with this and I hope that you will be able to uncover and resolve some things through writing. Good luck!

      • Gregor Sklarsky says:

        Thanks! And thank you for sharing it. I’m glad I’ve found Ikario. I really appreciate the openness and quality of the conversations you have.

  • I feel so related to this… Not worthly, not enough, unable to value myself… that is not the right mindset to start a business, for sure, but I didn’t know this then. So I ended up closing and getting back to live life as an employee (and happy so). Through failure I realized I was not ready to manage a business but the whole experience led me here so… I keep learning.

    Thank you.

    • Shane Melaugh says:

      Thank you for sharing, Mariluz!

      Sometimes, that inner battle is the hardest part, isn’t it?

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